Call Me Al

M.A.'s gone. I miss her so much. At least New York's not far and it's not like she's gone to Iowa or somewhere, but still. I can't see her every day, I can't just decide on a whim to go to her house and take her out for dinner, I can't do any of that. And it sucks.

So, what's up in my life? Not a lot. I love summer.

Blockbuster is cool as hell, especially now that Pete's working there. I get to see a bunch of people from school, we get free movies, and I get to just chill with Pete when we aren't working.

Just one more month til M.A.'s off to New York. I'm so happy for her but I wish she wasn't leaving. It's really goign to suck around here without her. I mean, Pete and Kristy and Erica and Sam will all be at SU with me but I'll miss M.A. so much. Don't even want to think about it.

At least I've got a car now so I can drive there whenever I want. My car is so cool.

It's been a week since I got the news about Michael. I've pretty much kept it to myself. I told M.A. about it once we got home. My other friends probably just assume it happened and that I haven't mentioned it so I'll probably just leave it at that.

They had the funeral for him a few days later. Amanda called me and told me about it, and I think that'll be it for the two of us to really talk. It's all over now. I haven't even thought about it much. I've just gone on with things like normal. Which is how it should be. Michael wasn't anybody to me. He's a guy I met twice. That's all. Father's day was last weekend and I spent that (well, what I had of it with getting back from Florida that day) with my dad.

How do I even write about the past few days?

I went to St Louis, M.A. and dad went with me. I said goodbye to Michael. That's all.

But I should say more, shouldn't I? That's the helpful thing to do, mom said.

I went to their house. Last time, I just saw him in the hospital, but this time, he was at home. It was still like a hospital, he had a hospital bed in there, and there was a nurse with him, but still, I was in his home. I waited a few days, we got there on Wednesday and I didn't even go see him til Friday. I did it alone too, dad dropped me off and him and M.A. went shopping.

I don't know what he was expecting. Maybe he thought I'd be sad and want some tearful goodbye and that I'd call him dad. I actually got a little mad at him, which I wasn't expecting. I asked him why he wasn't around. He didn't have much of an answer, but he apologized. I accepted the apology, because it all ended up working out really cool, I might not have had the dad that I have now if Michael had been in me and mom's lives.

And then I said goodbye. I didn't make it into a big thing or anything, I just said it, then I called dad and he picked me up. Life works out for the best sometimes. After dad picked me up, and we all went back to the hotel and crashed for a bit, he took me and M.A. out to dinner and then to see Shrek 3. He's my dad. There might not be any biological ties with us, but he is my dad.

Michael's only got a couple of weeks left. He'll probably go before my graduation, actually. But I said my peace and it's over with.

Grease opens in a week! I can't believe it. It feels like we just started the show. I'm not even nervous. Well, maybe a little. And starting on Monday, M.A. gets to come to rehearsals and hang out backstage. That's gonna be awesome, as long as I don't miss any of my cues or anything from being with her.

Addie's a month and a half old. She's getting her first baby-sitter for opening night of Grease. I don't know if I like that. She's getting too old already.

The biggest news is that M.A. is going to Barnard College. It's right in New York City so I can see her all the time. I was so worried when she was talking about Iowa, I didn't know what would happen to us if she went that far away. As it is, her just being in NYC is going to be rough, not being able to see her every day. But we'll get through it. I love her in NYC, she's so happy there. And she'll have Stacey there with her, which makes me even happier, that she'll have a friend at school with her. I'm going to have Erica and Pete and Kristy and Sam at school with me, so now I don't have to worry about M.A. being all alone.

It's hard to believe that we graduate in just a month and a half. I need to get working on my graduation speech and all the other cool senior stuff coming up.

All right, before I leave for the most awesome spring break ever, I'm going to update my journal.

This spring break will be much more awesome than last years because hopefully there won't be any secret hook-ups, unless something's going on with Grace and Trevor, or if Pete and Cary both do something stupid like fight over Dawn. And there's only seven of us going so we don't have to deal with everybody else. Everyone going is cool, even Dawn, kind of. It's going to be such a cool trip, and I get to spend it with M.A.

The other awesome thing in life right now, that tops everything, is my sister. She's two weeks old as of tomorrow and I couldn't be happier having her around. I've been singing to her every day. She really likes BNL's "Pinch Me" which just proves how great she is because that's the best song ever. I hate leaving her for two weeks but I can get pictures on my phone and I'm bringing my laptop because we get internet access at the campground we're staing at and mom and dad said they'll send me pictures and videos of her. I'm going to find her some cool presents too. Maybe a stuffed animal of those white tigers that Siegfried and Roy use in their show where one of the tigers attacked one of them (I can't remember which one it was). I'll get Addie lots of cool stuff.

I love being a big brother.

This has been a long week.

The biggest thing was mom. I've never been as scared as I was when I saw her passed out on the floor. I'm so glad it turned out to not be anything that big and that her and the baby are ok. She hates being on bedrest but dad and me are helping her out at lot so it's not going too bad. We're also working on narrowing it down on names for a boy or a girl.

I got in Grease and I'm playing the Teen Angel, so I get to sing Beauty School Dropout. It's scary, I didn't think I'd get a big solo part like that. I know some of the T-Birds have solos but I wouldn't have thought I'd get something like this where I get this one huge song. I'm excited, though. I downloaded a few versions of the song and I've been listening to them. The whole cast is really cool. Except Bart. But whatever, I can deal with him. Cary's playing Danny, Pete's playing Doody (which he will never hear the end of), Erica's playing Marty, and M.A. is on stage crew, so it'll be fun.

And speaking of M.A., we had a great time in NYC yesterday, but on the train home, we started talking about college. I don't know what we're going to do. She's looking at schools in Iowa, so she can be near her grandmother, and be where her mom grew up, which I think is great. I just don't know what will happen to us if she goes that far away. I love her, but can we handle that kind of distance?

New year, new stuff to talk about.

January has been pretty cool. We had the winter formal, so I had fun at that. I love going to dances with M.A. We have so much fun together, we just act goofy and we have our sweet moments and I love her. I can't wait til we go to New York, I'm planning that all out.

Auditions are coming up for Grease. I'm so excited because I get to do the play this year. I didn't try out for it freshman year because freshman always get crap parts. Sophomore year when I played the mayor in The Music Man was so cool. And now that we're not doing a lame play like Godspell, I'm going to try out again. I don't really know who I want to be in it, I think just one of the T-Birds. I'd get to wear a leather jacket and do Greased Lightning and everything. I'm already getting ready for the auditions. I have to find a song to sing. I think I'm going to go for some song from the 50s since that's when the play is.

We got the baby's room all set up now. It looks really cool. We painted it green and mom put up a jungle animal wallpaper border. I haven't bought the kid anything yet, so I need to go shopping. I wish she would find out now if it's a boy or a girl but the surprise will be so cool.

In two months, I'll be a big brother. That's so weird and scary.

My new years resolutions:

1. Make tonight completely awesome for M.A.

2. Do more awesome at my presidency, not let Kristy do everything

3. Be a really cool big brother

4. Spend even more time with my M.A.

5. Have fun

Another month, another journal entry. Why does it matter if I write in this thing? I never have anything to write about.

Life's going cool.

Right now I'm worrying about my Betty and planning on visiting her soon at the hospital because she was there for me so much.

And the best news? Cary finally admitted he's into Kristy. After like four years and a few girlfriends, he's finally admitting it. Now he just has to do something about it.

End of the month. Time to update this stupid thing again. I really don't see the point in having a journal. I talk to people. I don't have any secrets. I'm not a girl, I don't need to write down my feelings. I know how I'm feeling whether I put it in here or not.

But I guess if I have to update this thing once a month for some reason, I will. And if there was ever a month to have to write one entry, this was it. Although everything I'm feeling about the situation has already been told to M.A. and Erica and Abby and Sam and mom and dad, so i don't have anything else to really say.

So, here goes, to make everyone happy. I met my birth father. We don't have much in common and I don't plan on keeping in touch with him. My hip still hurts sometimes. And mom better start showing soon with this pregnancy cause I'm tired of Sam checking her out.

Life is awesome right now. I'm school president. I'm in charge of everything and I get to give a speech at graduation which I am already starting on.

I'm going to have a brother or sister in March, which is also awesome.

And I have the world's most amazing, most cutest, most wonderful, most best girlfriend ever.

Dear Chloe,

Your mom, who finished off the entire carton of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream last night, is telling me that she wrote you a letter in her journal and that I, as your godfather, should do the same.

QUIT LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER, LAINE!

Anyway. First off, let me tell you how good it is that you're a girl, because I don't know how she could deal with raising a boy. I hope you like clothes and makeup. And I hope to god you like Project Runway so she'll have someone to watch it with.

But if you turn out to be cool instead, we can watch Adam Sandler movies together. Your choice.

It's been fun having Laine living with us. I'm an only child, so it's been like having a sister, which is making me realize how glad I am to be an only child (she's still reading over my shoulder). You and I have a lot in common. My mom was your mom's age when she had me. You're gonna have a fun life with a mom like Laine, because I know I've had a fun life with a mom like mine.

Your awesome godfather,
Alan

I don't like updating my journal. I don't see why I have to. But I guess there's some reason out there that I need to write in it once a month or so.

And since a lot has changed since I updated this, I guess it's time.

I'm no longer with Claudia, but we're friends. Good friends.

And now I'm with Mary Anne. It turns out she's been liking me since prom. She's really great. I don't know what's going to happen here with all this, but I'm excited.

Stacey loved the Keith Urban tickets.

I'm the godfather of Laine's baby.

Claudia and I are together again.

Life is good right now

What a day.

Got a call from Cary yesterday morning, and, like an idiot, I answered the phone sounding all happy. I haven't gotten to talk to him as much since he started dating Stacey, so I was excited to be getting a call from me. Turns out Stacey was sick and he found her at her house passed out and he was taking her to the hospital and he needed some help. I spent all day yesterday calling her mom every hour, talking to my dad and getting him to get a hotel room for her dad and stepmom (he did, dad is so great), and trying to keep Cary from having a complete nervous breakdown. He is so nervous and freaked out right now. I gave him a ride home from Stamford and talked to him. When we were with Stacey, he's great, incredibly devoted, but when she wasn't around, he's been a lot more qet.

I finally got in touch with her mom this morning, and she's on the way down. Meanwhile, all our friends are worried about Stacey, Cary's going back and forth between asking them for help and snapping at them, and I'm just trying to keep everybody sane.

Mary Anne was the best date I could have asked for. Better than I expected. Anyone who could deal with how I was that night has to be perfect.

I really hope I haven't screwed everything up with Claudia.

In good news at prom, Stacey and Cary finally got together. I got the entire story from Stacey a few days later, and it's great. I'm so happy for the two of them. I'm calling it now. This one's going to last.

Yesterday was a great day.

There's certain girls that scare me, and certain girls I'm completely at ease around. Mary Anne is one of those who is in the last category. She's the sweetest, greatest girl. The only one I'm even better around is Claudia. But that's my Claudia, no one can take her place.

Not many people know about my family history. I mean, if they ask, I'll tell them. I'm not ashamed, but it also isn't something I bring up. I don't know why I hadn't talked to Laine before now. Not to sound all cocky, but I think I boosted her up letting her know about mom. I told mom all about her when I got home, and she seems really excited to meet Laine.

Sometimes I still can't believe I've got all these great friends, considering what an idiot I was all up until 8th grade. I owe Claudia everything. We may have been a really bad couple with how many times we broke up, but it was her (ok, and probably a lot of Cary) that made me into the cool guy I am today.

I'm hoping Laine turns out to be a new friend. She's not as intimidating as I had thought she'd be.

6:30 reservations at Golden Dragon. Check.

A box of chocolates for Mr and Mrs Spier and a toy for Tigger. Check.

Getting the Grand Am washed. No check yet, but I'll do that on the day of prom.

A personalized fortune cookie lying inside a Chinese blossom corsage. Check.

Prom night is going to rock Mary Anne's world.

A - Available? Yes, ladies. Alan's available whenever you'd like to act on it.
A - Age: 16
A - Annoyance: Kristy and Logan making out in the seat next to me

B - Best Friends? Cary and Pete, we're like the three musketeers
B - Bar: I don't see the point in drinking, I have tons of fun sobor
B - Birthday? August 22nd

C - Crush: Audrey Hepburn, Princess Mia, and Mandy Moore. And, of course, you.
C - Car: I want a red mini cooper, but I don't have anything right now. My parents let me drive their Grand Am sometimes though.
C - Cat: We have one, his name is Fluffy. I named him.

D - Dead Pets Name: n/a
D - Dads Name: Randall
D - Dog: I'm allergic

E - Easiest person to talk to: You, baby
E - Eggs: scrambled
E - Email: alangray@worldsgreatestlover.com :-)

F - Favorite color? Red
F - Food: Cheeseburgers and Kool-Aid
F - Foreign Slang: Wanker!

G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Sour gummy worms
G - God: He's a cool guy
G - Good Time: This road trip

H - Hair Color: Brown
H - Height: 5'6
H - Happy: Don't worry, be happy

I - Ice Cream: Cookies and Cream
I - Instrument: I can play the spoons
I - Idol: Robin Williams

J - Jewelry: Jewelry is for girls and gay guys like Pete
J - Job: I'm going to be a landscaper
J - Joke: Knock, knock

K - Kids: I want 3 kids. Twin girls, then a boy
K - Karate: Rocks
K - Kung fu: Rocks even more

L - Longest Car Ride: The one I'm currently on
L - Longest Relationship: Claudia, that fine piece of ass
L - Love: Rocks

M - Milk Flavor: strawberry
M - Mothers Name: Caroline
M - Movie Last Watched: She's All That. The girl in that movie looks a lot like Mary Anne.

N - Number of Siblings: None
N - Northern or Southern: Northern.
N - Name: Alan Cornelius Gray

O - One Wish? Genie, I wish for your freedom!
O - One Phobia? Spiders and hookers
O - Otter Pop: what is that?

P - Parents, are they married or divorced: Married.
P - Part of your appearance you like best: My deep soulful eyes
P - Part of your personality you like best: I'm awesome

R - Reason to smile: watching a really good movie
R - Reality TV Show: Big Brother
R - Right or Left: Right.

S - Song Last Heard: A Moment Like This on Stacey's Kelly Clarkson cd
S - Season: winter
S - Sex: male

T - Time you woke up: 6am cause Cary the loser wanted to get going and wouldn't let me sleep in
T - Time Now: I don't know, time zones confuse me
T - Time for bed: When I feel like it

U - Unknown Fact about me: I don't like to give away all my secrets
U - Unicorns? are gay
U - U are?: Awesome

V - Vegetable you hate: Peas
V - Vegetable you love: Corn on the cob
V - View on Politics: Uh... they're ok?

W - Worst Habits: Everyone says that I never shut up but I don't see that
W - Where are you going to travel next? Nowhere
W - Weight: I don't like to reveal that

X - X-rays: Yeah, that one time back in 9th grade
X - X-rated Porn: Ew
X - X-xtra special someone: Fluffy

Y - Year you were born: 1989
Y - Year it is now: 2006.
Y - Yellow? Is awesome

Z - Zoo Animal: Monkeys
Z - Zodiac: That stuff is stupid
Z - Zoolander: I didn't think it was that funny. The jokes tried to hard and most of them didn't even make sense to me.